HoundBlog

What is it about men and flatulence?

They think it’s hysterically funny and/or something to brag about where the rest of us think it’s just a bodily function that goes right along with the others that originate from the same region and just go on.

I can forsee, though ESPN carrying the World Champion Fart Competition. John Madden (who to me looks like he can cut ’em with the best of them anyway) and Phil Justin will be reporting the play-by-play.

John: “Here we are at the World Championship Fart competition. Today’s contenders are the reigning champion John “The Cannon” O’Connor who is a two-time winner of the title. “The Cannon” is from Chicago and is 45 years old. He’s been competing in Fart since he was a boy and comes from a long line of champion Farters. His father, Roy “Boom” O’Conner was champion in 2008.

Phil: ” John, you know that today, “The Cannon” faces his toughest competition ever in the young upstart Roger “Shotgun” Evans. “Shotgun” is best known for his trademark staccato farts from which he gets his nickname.”

John: “We’re ready for round one of the Fart Championship competition. First in the ring is “The Cannon”. He’s winding up for the pitch and zings us with a 3 second blast!! Oh NO! He only scored a 5 on the stink-o-meter! Tough break for “The Cannon”! ”

Phil: “Next up is “Shotgun”. He’s taking a little longer to wind up, but his pitch is a phenomenal 5 second trademark staccato blast that scores a 9 on the stink-o-meter!!! WOW! That’s unheard of to score so high on the stink-o-meter this early in the rounds! But wait! The officials are giving him a 2 point penalty for a wet fart! Too bad! But, he’s still in the lead by 2 after the first round.”

John: “Round one goes to Shotgun! You know, Phil, Shotgun told me in an interview before today that he prepares for these competitions by eating a dozen hard-boiled eggs. You’ll note that he’s got a really flat stomach — he says he does 100 crunches every day to keep his abdomen muscles at their peak. That’s what enables him to deliver such powerful farts.”

Phil: “Thank you, John for that commentary and now, after this commercial for Gas-X, we’ll begin round two, so stay tuned! The Cannon won’t be down for long and it’s sure to be one of the most memorable Championship fights ever.”

Love to all,

Margaret